Charlyne Cares Daily Devotional - Helping Stop Divorce God's Way

Bob told me that he and the other person were planning to get married. The Lord said, "You are married for life. Wait for him."

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Bob and I hear weekly from standers that their spouse is planning to marry the other person. What are they to do? We now have the Holidays coming and often the other person thinks this would be a perfect time for their wedding. Kim, a stander from Nebraska had her husband marry the other person. We asked her if she would write a devotional that is close to her heart and from the Word of God.

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ONE FLESH

"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." Mark 10:5-12

The two shall become one flesh. This was God's intention from the beginning of time. For one man and one woman to be united in His love so that they were no longer two but one. He created Adam and Eve for each other and no one else. And He was there - a part of their commitment to each other; a part of their life together; a part of their flesh. What God has joined together, let man not separate.

When did this command become a suggestion? Where in this instruction does it say they are one flesh until one or the other finds someone better? Where is the "out" that modern society has provided for so many one-flesh relationships? Why do we not call things what they are anymore?

"Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith." Malachi 2:13-16

One of the most difficult things to deal within our stands is the marriage of the one we pray for to someone else. It's an announcement that we pray we will never hear. When it comes, it's as if time stand stills. It's like we are living in a vacuum; as if all the air has been sucked out of the space we occupy and all we can hear are those mocking words - "I am marrying someone else." We can't help but wonder - how can they make those same promises to someone else? Are they promising to love until death does them part? Are they promising to forsake all others? Do they mean it this time? How can they so easily make these promises to another when they so easily broke them with us?

Something Bob wrote one time really speaks to this. "To prodigals, marriage is no big deal. How can I be so sure? We walked out on a covenant mate, didn't we? It's going to be much easier to walk out on the non- covenant, when the Holy Spirit moves us, in response to someone's faithful and strong stand for a healed marriage." We simply cannot give up on our prodigals or on our families. Too many lives are counting on us.

We may feel that a non-covenant marriage means the end of our stand. We have prayed, we have fasted, we have done all we can and still, this unspeakable thing has happened. And there are those in the world who will remind us that it is the end. They have made their choice; they have married someone else. It is time for us to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives and go forward. It is time for us to face reality and "suck it up" as we are often told. But what we have to remember is that these people are not privy to the promises God made to us. They don't know the words that were spoken to our hearts. They don't know the power of the God we serve. They don't know the conviction that lies deep in our souls and the urgency with which we have been called to pray for those we love.

Can't you just see Satan right about now? Can't you just hear those lies he is whispering in your ears? "I told you it was foolish to hope and believe. I told you that you were wasting your time with your prayers and your fasting. They have married someone else. It's time to give up. It's time to admit defeat." Satan would like nothing better than for you to buy into his lies. He will feed you a constant diet of untruths and make the circumstances seem impossible until you give into doubt, defeat and discouragement. He will tell you your situation is hopeless, but as Charlyne wrote one time, "Hopelessness is just an opportunity to trust God." He gives us His promise in Psalm 30:4-5:

"Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

Take note of God's promise here - rejoicing comes in the morning. Right now it may seem like the end. You may feel like this is just the way it's going to be, but God promises that rejoicing will come in the morning. This is just another long night where the darkness seems to surround us and the hope of dawn is far from us, but the dawn will come and with it will come God's blessing. What we are facing right now may seem to be the end, but it is only another season in our lives. It isn't over. Not unless we walk away from the One who made us promises and turn our back on the hope He offers.

Think about what Jesus did for Lazarus in John 11. Lazarus was dead and buried. All hope for a healing was gone. Now all those who loved him could do was mourn - mourn his death; mourn the passing of something that could have been. Jesus waited. He waited until Lazarus had died before He showed up. When He showed up, He demonstrated the mighty, awesome power of the God we serve. He raised Lazarus from the dead! Those who had begged him for a healing got a resurrection instead!

"Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. "Take away the stone," he said. "But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days." Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me." When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go." John 11:38-44

Lazarus was dead - rotting and stinking in the grave like our marriages, but Jesus didn't care how smelly the situation was. He had other plans. He raised Lazarus from the dead to send a message to the people - those who believe in Me will have eternal life. That which we think is dead, He will resurrect, for our good and for His glory. "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"

I remember so well dreading the announcement of another marriage. I just knew there was no way I could handle it. I just knew it would mean the end of everything good in my life. I just knew it would kill me, but a funny thing happened. Rather than weakening my stand, it strengthened it. Rather than withdrawing in humiliation and shame, it emboldened me. Rather than extinguishing my hope, it made my trust and belief burn even brighter.

"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done." Psalm 118:17

It was in the heart of my troubles that God showed His heart to me. It was when I was bent down in the ashes and dust that I felt His gentle hand on my shoulder. It was when I dwelt in the darkness that His light shone most brightly. It was when I could not take another step that I felt His angels lift me so I would not strike my foot on a stone. Turns out God is the best provider and husband ever.

"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband- the LORD Almighty is his name- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit- a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God. "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the LORD your Redeemer." Isaiah 54:4-8

I'm not going to tell you that I didn't spend some time shaking my fist at God and asking how He could let this happen. I couldn't understand how "Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me." (Psalm 41:9) There were many times when I just wanted to quit, to give up, to buy into the enemies' lies that this is one thing too big even for God. But every time those thoughts came into my head, God helped me to take them captive with a rhema word from His Book, or a promise, or a "heart" feeling or a sign of some sort. It hasn't been easy and I can honestly say that I don't understand. But an often quoted Christian saying states "God's delays are not God's denials." So I place my trust in God. I don't see and I don't understand, but I do trust. By keeping my focus on Jesus and off of my circumstances, I have been able to keep putting one foot in front of the other and to keep walking this new and narrow road. Because His Word tells me that what the enemy has meant for evil, God will turn around for good.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

For most of us, the one we married will forever be our spouse, despite what a piece of paper says. Your one-flesh mate doesn't see it this way. They are looking through the eyes of the world, not through the eyes of God. The Bible is very clear on divorce and remarriage. It is mentioned two places in Matthew, reiterated in Luke, repeated in Mark, clarified in Romans and confirmed in Hebrews.

"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." Matthew 5:32

"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." Matthew 19:9

"He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." Mark 10:11-12

"For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man." Roman 7:2-3

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." Hebrews 13:4

One of the uglier things for us standers that come out of another marriage is those twin monsters envy and jealousy. We see or hear about all the things they are doing with and for that other person that we never got and it hurts to the very core. It makes us resentful, angry and bitter. Why are they getting blessed for doing wrong? Why are they continuing to prosper? We need to remember that the prosperity of the wicked is only temporary. Your spouse is a lost soul in need of God's guidance. If we're not careful to take our thoughts captive, this bitterness can poison not only our lives but the lives of everyone around us. How much better for all if we release this envy and jealousy into God's hands. It only serves to harm our stand and our witness. Pour out your heart to God and then let him turn your tears to triumph.

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

"Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll - are they not in your record? Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me." Psalm 56:8-9

God sees your tears and hears your heart-broken lament. He gathers these tears to Himself and will one day turn them into tears of joy. He understands the situation far better than you do. So let Him have all that anger you have stuffed down deep inside. Give him that bitterness that has poisoned your life. Offer Him your jealousy and envy and don't take them back. They belong with Him now.

It's the same thing we need to do with those we pray for. We cannot change one thing about the circumstances of our life. We can't change their hearts. We know that. But we also know someone who CAN change everything in the blink of an eye. Give your loved one to God and then leave them there. Your prayers and your trust will open the door. What happens with your loved one after that is between them and God. You may have opened the door, but it is God who will help them walk through it. As Charlyne wrote in an October devotional, "Instead, in your mind take your spouse or any other person who has wounded you and lay that person at the Lord's feet. Then let go and let God apply the justice and judgment that needs to be done in their life, not you!"

"Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:3

We need to remember what Bob and Charlyne always tell us - our spouse is not the enemy. Satan is the enemy. The one we pray for has fallen into the enemy's lap and has bought into all their lies. As it tells us in Proverbs 16:25 - "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." They are blinded and deceived and can't find their way out of the pit they have fallen into. It is our job, our calling, to pray for opened eyes and softened hearts so that they, too, may know the joy of a life lived for Jesus.

"Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will." 2 Timothy 2:25-26

"Yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:9-10

Before another marriage, many of us held easily to that hope of a "suddenly" occurring in our circumstance. It was easy to envision that middle of the night phone call, that ringing of the doorbell, that repentant email. Now it's a little tougher because it is no longer just between us and our spouse. Now there is another person involved, possibly even other children involved. There are other extended family members and other friends, all blocking the way of our spouse on their road back to us. This is possibly one of the most difficult things - to know that the wait time has been extended, but as I mentioned before, God's delays are not God's denials.

Patient waiting is not an easy thing, but it is often a necessary thing when we are doing God's will. In Daniel 10:14 we read, "For the vision concerns a time yet to come." In Habakkuk 2:3 we read, "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay."

Keep on believing God's Word. Do not be disturbed by what appears to be immovable mountains or impossible circumstances. Never be moved by what you feel or what you see. These things are just circumstances and they can always change. As we stand against these apparent impossible circumstances, we find that our faith is enlarged and our trust is sure and steadfast and we are made strong.

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

Bob and Charlyne talk about unconditional love all the time. I confess - this unconditional love was a lot easier to find when there wasn't another person living as my husband's "legal" spouse. Much of my anger was directed toward the other person in his life. I blamed her for a lot of what happened. I saw her as that "woman with crafty intent" described in Proverbs 7, but I came to realize that she, too, is a daughter of the King. She is just another person who has been blinded and deceived by the great imposter.

"She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not." Proverbs 5:6

As a child of God, she deserved my prayers for salvation as much as my husband did. So, with a reluctant heart, I began to pray for her also. I prayed that God would open her eyes and place upon her heart a true desire to restore her own covenant marriage. That prayer changed the way I looked at things. I began to see her in her future, not in her present, and I knew that God had some awesome plans for her family, too.

One of the most important things to remember when a non-covenant marriage occurs is God's promises to us. He has said in His Word that we will be blessed. He has said in His Word that He believes in the sanctity of marriage. He has told us to persevere for these trials are only temporary. He has promised us abundance where there once was scarcity. He has given us hope and a promise for our future.

"Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you." Zechariah 9:12

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." Isaiah 61:7

"'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty.'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty." Haggai 2:9

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

A non-covenant marriage changes everything - and yet, it changes nothing. Our circumstances have changed, but it doesn't change our hearts. Our hopes have changed, but it doesn't change what we hope for. Our prayers have changed, but it doesn't change what we pray for. The road has become difficult, but it doesn't change our call to stand. It has changed us, but it doesn't change God. His promises are the same to us yesterday, today and tomorrow. Never judge God's faithfulness on the basis of what you see or what you feel. God's promises do not fail.

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19

Married forever,
Kim, a stander in Nebraska

http://rejoiceministries.org/kim.html  

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Devotional Copyright© 2010 Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.

Scripture quoted by permission and are from the Holy Bible; New International Version® Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.